do i want to pay the full price?

i was walking down irving today and got pretty hungry. i had eaten eggs in the morning and had my coffee, felt completely fine for hours, but around noon it started hitting me.

and obviously everything around suddenly sounded good. maybe a bagel, maybe a donut, maybe go to the bakery and get a small piece of pie. nothing particularly wrong with any of those things. i’d probably enjoy it a lot.

but then i thought about what happens after.

because the price isn’t really the ten bucks or whatever i pay at the bakery. and it isn’t about being disciplined enough to say no either. the actual price might be thirty seconds of something tasting amazing, then feeling sluggish, wanting another one, thinking about food again and eventually having to “be disciplined” for the rest of the day.

i don’t particularly want that deal.

so i went to a local store, bought three broccoli and a big bag of radishes for around ten bucks and went home to eat eggs. i’ll probably have enough vegetables for the next couple of days too.

this is one of those tiny things i appreciate about meditation. it gives me enough time to notice the whole transaction instead of only what’s immediately in front of me.

impulse is very good at showing you the first thirty seconds. it doesn’t show you the next six hours.

and i think this applies to much more than food. sometimes something unpleasant now makes the rest of the day better. sometimes something amazing now quietly sends you an invoice later.

i don’t want to spend my life resisting things or proving how disciplined i am.

i’d rather know the price and decide whether i actually want to pay it.